Dodie hails from the tiny village of Crossed Balls-On-The-Wreak, West Sussex, England.
He graduated from Foxfart University in Pease Pottage, between Giggleswick Cockup and Dickwick-Upon-Tweed in Taintshire, with a degree in Soups, Porridges and Stews.
But after growing tired of the rationing programs that occurred in the wake of the Falkland War — and a diet which consisted mainly of iced carrots on a stick and three ounces of lard — Fingerton and his family moved to the United States in 1984.
Despite an erroneous Smudge report that claimed he was once married to recently deceased journalist and habitual liar, F. Anthony Anthony, he's not a lady nor a man who is attracted to other men.
To prove that, he married an actual woman named Hooty in 1998. And in 2001, they welcomed twin sons, Cockhammer and Clenchwarton.
WATERVLIET — To many residents of New York state, Albany has become synonymous with professional midget tossing and good-looking felons. But a new study has found that the Capital City doesn't even have the most captivating convicts in Albany County. Nor is it in the top 10 statewide.
Save those honors for Watervliet.
That's right, popular mugshot aggregator Hotfelon.com has released a study of The Top 30 Cities With The Most Attractive Felons, and the Arsenal City ranked No. 7.
“We just happen to fall into a weird niche,” said Watervliet Mayor Tim John Kerchiefkian. “Of all the felonies that have been committed in our city this year, 90 percent were committed by individuals who possess a high degree of facial symmetry. We're still trying to figure out if that's something to be proud of.”
Hotfelon.com was quick to point out the study was based on population and only included cities of 2,000 residents or more.
“The data is adjusted to consider per capita rates, so while some cities may have a reputation for violent crime, like Albany, Troy or Schenectady, the reality is that you are statistically less likely to be mugged by a sexy person in a major metro area because the population is larger and the people are generally a lot uglier," the site explained.
Melissa Dungfooter, a fit 29-year-old unemployed waitress from Watervliet who was recently convicted of breaking and entering, and endangering the welfare of a child, said she's not surprised by the findings.
“Can one not be arresting to the eye while being arrested?” the comely parolee asked while fondling her ankle monitor. “Can one not be appealing while appealing a conviction? Can one not be stunning while being stunned with a stun gun? Hot felons, such as myself, ask ourselves these questions every day.”
Meanwhile, Amsterdam, N.Y., was again recognized for having the homeliest felons in the state, beating out runner-up Cohoes by 36.