Study: Watervliet Has The Hottest Felons Per Capita

By Dodie Fingerton

Published May 28th, 2017

Photo illegally swiped from some guy posing as Matt Wade

WATERVLIET — To many residents of New York state, Albany has become synonymous with professional midget tossing and good-looking felons. But a new study has found that the Capital City doesn't even have the most captivating convicts in Albany County. Nor is it in the top 10 statewide.

Save those honors for Watervliet. MORE.


Saratoga Mayoral Candidate Pledges to Destroy Bustling City

By Kermit Mustafa

Published May 28th, 2017

Photo by Daniel Case.

SARATOGA SPRINGS — Nebakov Clapper has a dream.

“I want to make Saratoga suck again,” said the political newcomer and mayoral hopeful.

The 69-year-old Spa City resident has lived in Saratoga his entire life. And he can remember quite clearly what he calls “that glorious span” from the 1950s through 1970 when Saratoga “totally sucked balls.” MORE.


Dying Colonie Man Wishes He Spent Less Time With Kids

By Quack Davis

Published May 28th, 2017

COLONIE — If Jack Veal could do it all over again, the 69-year-old grandfather would have spent more time at the office and less time at home.

“I wasted my best years with my wife and children,” said Veal, a father of five.  “My wife was OK, but the kids were a pain in my ass. Very expensive, too.” MORE.

Sun Mistaken for Alien Invasion By Fleeing Locals

By Cecily Bapp

Published May 28th, 2017

An enormous glowing orb spotted recently over area skies caused widespread panic, numerous traffic accidents, and the local population to make an erratic, ineffectual retreat en masse from the Capital Region.

No longer able to recognize the sun, locals apparently assumed the illumination to be an alien invasion and abduction, state emergency management officials said. MORE.


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