Malta Man Unsure Whether to Brag About Big Penny Slot Win

By Fred Furnace

Published April 23rd, 2017

MALTA — A construction worker’s profitable outing at the new Rivers Casino in Schenectady is causing angst, as he is afraid to admit to friends that his payday came while playing penny slots themed around the daytime talk show, Ellen.

Marco Machismo, a 39 year-old Malta resident who works construction and drives an extended-cab Ford F-150 pickup truck, hit the big jackpot Thursday night by lining-up five Ellen DeGeneres images in a row while making “max” bets. MORE.


Hubby Writes Trump Seeking "Buffer Zone" from Wife at Movies

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published April 23rd, 2017

GUILDERLAND — A long-married Slingerlands man has asked President Trump to sign an executive order granting him a one-seat buffer zone from his wife at Crossgates cinema so he could "watch movies in Goddamn peace, for once."

Dean Boxer, 47, wrote to the White House saying his wife, Julie, makes it impossible to enjoy movies because she constantly asks him questions and attempts to hold his hand. MORE.


Menands’ Stench Linked to Nipper’s Ass by Fart Expert

By Pug Ransom

Published April 23rd, 2017

COLONIE —A Green Island man considered an expert in offensive odors claims to have finally discovered the source of the stench that for years has plagued the Village of Menands.

Rocco Tortorelli, who conducts science experiments in his mom’s garage off George Street, said the foul odor in Menands — long described by residents as a combination of scrambled eggs and fart — can be traced to Nipper, the RCA dog perched atop a nearby warehouse on Broadway in Albany. MORE.

Skidmore Students Prepare to ‘Put it All Out There’

By Cecily Bapp

Published April 23rd, 2017

SARATOGA SPRINGS — As the end of another year approaches and Skidmore students prepare to vacate their dilapidated, over-priced apartments, they face an annual quandary: What to do with all their shit?

Landry Galagarin, who’s just finishing up his junior year, is typical of Skidmore College students who rent their quarters off campus, and who must dispose of all the crap they managed to accumulate in 10 short months overnight. MORE.


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