ALBANY — The Albany Smudge — the Capital Region’s leading source of co-dependent make-believe news — is ending its barely successful and little-noticed 31-month run with today’s edition.
Smudge Publisher Burt Wilkersonn said the decision to discontinue, which he characterized as “difficult, emotional and surprisingly coherent,” was announced to staff last Monday.
“We decided to stop before we completely sucked,” Wilkersonn explained. “I mean, how many times can you make fun of doctors’ wives and their naturally gifted children in Bethlehem, or the underprivileged folks of South Colonie?” MORE.
Syrian Refugees trying to flee Amsterdam, NY. (Photo by Robert Cotic)
AMSTERDAM — The City of Amsterdam welcomed its first batch of refugees from war-torn Syria this week, but the refugees were less than impressed with their new surroundings.
In fact, they asked to be sent back home.
“They brought us from one hell-hole to another," said refugee Yousef Amad, who spoke to the Smudge through a translator. "Are you sure Amsterdam is not also a war zone? This place looks like it was left for dead decades ago." MORE.
ALBANY— Grateful Dead fans are holding pretty-boy guitar virtuoso John Mayer responsible for the outbreak of mass-psychosis that sent hundreds of people to area hospitals last week.
Following Mayer's Times Union Center performance with Dead and Company —the band formed by Grateful Dead members Bob Weir, Bill Kreutzmann and Mickey Hart — area emergency rooms reported a spike in psychedelic crises believed to be triggered by the swaggering axe-man's cocksure mug. MORE.
BETHLEHEM – The Town of Bethlehem is even a little less friendly now that it has announced it will remove all “welcome” signs by the end of the summer.
The move, said one local official, is being made so that area signage “conforms more accurately to the evolving views of our residents toward outsiders.” MORE.
LOUDONVILLE — Timmy McCormick thought every kid lived in a half-million dollar home and was given a BMW upon receiving their driver’s license.
But thanks to a new program called My Neighbor’s Keeper established by the Loudonville Ecumenical Temple, McCormick and other North Colonie teens are receiving a first-hand look at life outside their tony upper-income suburban world. MORE.
LOUDONVILLE —A North Colonie community group — unable to turn a blind eye to the suffering just over the border — is spearheading a fund-raising effort to bring relief to their neighbors in need.
“We can’t turn a blind eye to the plight of those living in South Colonie,” said Mandy Pinkerton, outreach director for Loudonville’s Mission of Pity. “Each night, when I’m home sipping chai and all cozy on my birch solid Villa Valencia trim tufted sofa, I can’t help but shed a tear for some on the other side of Albany-Shaker, who I just know are sitting on a futon purchased from Target. It’s not right.” MORE.
COHOES — Johnny Football has finally gone off the deep end and has landed in the Spindle City.
Johnny Manziel, the troubled quarterback who is expected to be cut by the Cleveland Browns for excessive boozing and shenanigans, was seen Tuesday “partying like it’s 1999” at Poppers Tavern, a popular gin mill on Remsen Street. MORE.
LATHAM — Caitlyn Jenner is moving to the Capital District, having purchased a small single-family home near Route 7 in Latham to take advantage of a new state plan making all bathrooms unisex.
Jenner, a former men’s Olympic decathlon champion, has purchased a 900 square-foot, two-bedroom home off Forts Ferry Road, according to records in the Albany County Clerk’s Office reviewed by The Smudge. MORE.
BETHLEHEM — Braden Schmirky is an ordinary six year-old boy. He likes Star Wars, soccer, Matchbox cars and Legos.
“Braden's always been an average kid,” said Denise Papsmer, the mother of Braden’s best friend, Jackson. “He consistently meets New York State educational benchmarks for a child his age, but he never exceeds any of them. And, of the three extra-curricular activities he's involved in, none of them include riding, rowing or chamber music ensemble. How absurd?” MORE.
COLUMBIA COUNTY — Thrill seekers and milk enthusiasts alike will have a chance to risk it all while ‘Running with the Cows’ this Mothers’ Day in Columbia County.
Modeled after the infamous ‘Running of the Bulls’ in Pamplona, Spain, event organizers said the spectacle is sure to delight even the most lactose intolerant. MORE.
ALBANY — A Department of Financial Services accountant was found frozen solid in her cubicle Wednesday.
The ice-encrusted body of Dijon White, 33, was discovered in her office chair at 3:30 p.m., just 27 minutes before official state-worker quitting time. She was pronounced dead at the scene. MORE.